“Rant. Keep it coming. I promise you’re just getting started”, she said with a smirk.
“Well, that’s just comforting”, I went on with the cue eye rolls. “That piece of shit. I mean who does that? All those months and I know I haven’t exactly been myself either”.
“Welcome back to planet earth woman”, she laughed.
“Don’t let me take off to another universe next time”.
“This isn’t your first time and it certainly ain’t your last”.
“I love these happy thoughts”, I said with a mouthful of fudge cake because was there nothing in the world that vanilla ice cream, chocolate sauce, brownies and almonds couldn’t fix. Also, when your heart needed tending to, when has ice cream not been there for you?
“Let’s get alcohol”, I said, not truly meaning it.
“Okay, do you really want to get drunk, have a subsequent hangover and then remember, why you had to get drunk in the first place?” she said with that you-know-I’m-right face and the raised eyebrows she loved giving ever so often.
“Why are you making valid points today?” I asked with a pout.
“Because, I’ve been there and done that and what you currently want is to do something stupid, which we shall, but completely in our senses so we can remember it. How about this, mark this date, one year from now, we’re coming back here and we’re going to laugh about it”, she replied.
“That…. Sounds like a plan. Let’s do it!”, I said a bit perked up.
“We are not mourning this, we’re celebrating this. Because, you darling did something no one does all that often. You spoke up, you said what you had to say and now there are no what ifs. You aren’t going to spend the rest of your life knowing you had the chance to say it and that you didn’t. No regrets. You were brave. You take chances and he’ll stay there, miserable and just accept what life has to offer. You will thrive and you will demand what you want wherever you go. Celebrate that as you let go. I can’t understand what you’re going through but I can listen. So go ahead, feel like complete shit and be in what you’re going through. Take a week, a month or a year if that’s what it takes. And I’ll stay here and while you continue to blabber and order another double scoop of rocky road”.
I did feel like crap but she was making a point and it did make this so much better. “Haven’t we had enough ice cream already?”
“Don’t be such an aunty”, she said while a bunch of young moms walked in with their equally young and adorable babies. “Oh my God, why are they are they so cute? I want to hold all of them. So many babies, this is my hell”.
“I’m not an aunty and since when do you like kids?”
“I like babies, not kids. The little shits grow up and start talking, that’s when you want to throw them onto the streets”.
“I’ll let you babysit my hypothetical 6 year old someday”, I say while ordering that rocky road anyway when she laughs. “Happy?”
“Do you want that kid to die? Or do you want me to suicide? Don’t let it near me. Also, you have a long way to go. Let loose, woman”, she says proudly.
“God, these kids are cute”.
“You want some someday don’t you?”
“More like I want 3. But then again, I’ll probably have 1 and scream because l made that merry decision to bring life on this forsaken planet”, I say with that sarcastic smile and that incoming rocky road.
“Look at them, they’re so happy”.
“At least someone’s happy”.
“Let’s take this party somewhere else?”
So we finished that rocky road and walked to a random street till I just stood there for a minute and remembered why I needed a break today from anything and everyone. There was this house on that street and it flanked this beautiful tree with flowers that remind you of summer that was coming and near it was a little footpath clean enough to sit down. So that’s what I did, I took my phone out, played some Coldplay songs(the instrumental versions) and decided to just sit there because why the hell not? And she joined me.
The song helped us focus on our surroundings and it felt good to just breathe, and in that moment I knew how much I needed it, some peace. She did too. We probably looked like two druggies about to smoke up at 7:30 pm but it was beautiful. Some days, we need silence, because it’s louder than you believe and some days you need to be young and stupid.
We sat there for 15 minutes straight until I spoke up, “Engineering sucks”. And she just looked at me a while until we were both laughing hysterically and loudly because tomorrow was truly unknown despite that beloved degree we were both pursuing. We laughed until this middle aged woman on the opposite side of the road wouldn’t stop staring and judging but a young heart couldn’t care less. That moment was simple yet infinite. It was acceptance that we had a long road ahead with regard to everything, jobs, love, travelling, family and it wasn’t going to be easy. But there was truly nothing some food and a meaningful conversation and some more food wouldn’t fix.
Life was never for those who suppressed things and died every day. It is truly in spirit of those that had embraced the uncertainty while not leaving behind that balance with some practicality. Life was those who said it, and said it out loud even if it burned their world because you deserve to be listened to. Life was for those who dared to make that mistake especially when they knew where the path was leading because they paid attention to the journey. Life was for those who believe in being happy because we are the generation that knew that things were meant to be questioned. Life was for those who took in a moment because they knew they were hard to come by.Life was for those who stayed even when it got hard. Life was for the brave.